Basic Training -by Ben

I've just completed the first half of my basic training with the IDF. If you've never gone through basic training, it's pretty much what you see on TV and in the movies, but I'm doing it in Hebrew. The first few days were almost a joke and it made me second guess what I was even doing there. I started my army experience in Beer Sheva at the Beit Chayal (soldiers' house), where I checked in to wait for the bus that would eventually take us to Tel HaShohmer, the main recruitment base near Tel Aviv. At Tel HaShohmer, we were shuffled through several stations where new recruits got haircuts, shots, uniforms, some basic hygiene items, and a goodie bag filled with treats! I was having second thoughts about army until I got that goodie bag...that let me know they really care. We stayed the whole day on base and most of the time was spent waiting in line.

I got to meet a lot of people from all over the world who all joined for different reasons. Some were as excited as me to be doing this, some totally didn't want to be there. Many immigrants that come to Israel bring their kids, and when it's time for those kids to start their mandatory service they're less than stoked. I think the reason they feel this way is because, as immigrants, they've always had a hard time integrating into society here. They've never really felt Israeli, and when it's time to serve their country they just don't have the motivation.

We went into the building that morning in civilian clothes, and came out in our new uniforms! We also got to see some of the worst jobs you can get in the army. These jobs included the person who puts a mirror in your mouth and takes pictures of your teeth, the guy who pricks your finger and rubs a blood sample on a card, and the guy who takes your fingerprints. They do these jobs ALL DAY LONG for the entirety of their army service. One funny thing that happened during lunch- I sat down randomly at the table (where they told me to sit) and the dude next to me looked oddly familiar. I didn't talk much because our meal was timed, but I heard him talking to another recruit across the table. He mentioned something about his time in Santa Barbara..and it clicked! This guy, Jonathan, was my younger brother's fraternity brother! I had even played a round of beer pong with him at my brother's graduation from UCSB! What are the chances!? I also saw another guy from my kibbutz who started his army service the same day.

The day concluded with an hour and a half bus ride to my base near Karmiel. Upon arrival we were put into our first squads (tzevets, in Hebrew), and were shown our rooms.

The next day we got to know the other people in our tzevets and got to meet our Mefakedette (Commander). All the male tzevets have female mefakedettes, and the female tzevets have male Mefakeds. It was a basic introduction day around the base. They showed us around the base and introduced us to some of the other officers. During this time we were also given formation commands and time limits. Although they weren't very strict about anything. People would move out of formation or talk when they weren't supposed to and the Mefakedettes would just tell them to stop with no form of punishment. Band camp in high school was more challenging than this. Little did I know what the week ahead would bring...

My second week started at the Karmiel bus station where my Tzevet all met to catch the bus to base. One thing we did the week prior was take a Hebrew proficiency test, when we got to base we were again split into new Tzevets based on our Hebrew level. My first Tzevet was really great and it was kind of a bummer to be split up. All of us were on the same page on the importance of treating the Mefakedette with respect and doing things on time. It really was a good group of guys, and when we were placed in our new Tzevet it was obvious everybody else felt the same way. Bad moods all around.

This new Tzevet, Tzevet 5, will be my squad for the next 3 months. There are 11 of us... three from England, two from Uzbekistan, two from Russia, three from the States and one Israeli guy who we've designated the "Gomer Pyle"of our Tzevet. In case you don't know who Gomer Pyle is... Gomer Pyle is the type of individual who truly makes you believe the army will take anybody. He's the kind of person who couldn't pour water out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel, one pork chop short of a mixed grill, a few fries short of a happy meal...

After writing this I had to look up some more idioms... here are some of my favorites-

-His manual drive is stuck in reverse

-While most people drink from the fountain of knowledge, he seems to just be gargling

-He's got a fire going, but the fluke is shut

-He couldn't find his way out of a wet paper bag

-He's knitting with only one needle

-His mouth is in gear, but his brain's in neutral

-He's all crowns and no fillings

-He goes full throttle on a dry tank

-If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change

Anyway! It seems as if every Tzevet has a Gomer Pyle of their own and we have to wonder if they set it up this way intentionally. Our's is especially horrible because he's so lazy... makes us all look bad and do push ups.

So far everyday this week has gone something like this-

4:30 am- wake up, and be in formation in 30 minutes

5:00 - "Sport" running, pushups, sit-ups and stretching

6:00 - Back in formation in uniform then going over our drills and commands

7:00- Breakfast, we've got 9min 50sec to shovel as much food in as we can. The food isn't bad, but it sucks having to eat that fast

7:10- 20 minute break

7:30 - weapons training

8:30- raising the flag and national anthem

9:00 - cleaning dorms and bathroom

10:00 - drills

10:30 - classroom training

11:30 -drills again

12:00- lunch and break

12:30- running and exercise (it sucks and some people can't hold their food in)

2:00- learning something new and combining it with what we've learned so far... along with drills

6:00 p.m.- Dinner and break

6:30 -drills

7:00 - more training

9:00- PUNISHMENTS!!! (Mefakedette takes notes of our mistakes throughout the day and we pay for them with sprints...pushups...and planks

10:00- 1 hour of free time to shower, shave, brush teeth, clean boots, prepare for the next day, and it's my only time to call Lauren

11:00 - outside dorms and back in formation dressed in P.J.'s

11:30- Lights out! Rinse and repeat the next morning

I'm also required to have my rifle and water bottle with me at all times. My M16 rifle weighs about 6 and a half pounds and stays around my neck ALL THE TIME. I'm required to shower with it and dress with it ON. The only time it comes off is when I go to bed and then it stays under my pillow. Failure to comply means pushups or even not being able to go home on the weekends. It may seem harsh, but I think it's a good thing to be this anal about weapon safety. Also, EVERYTHING is in Hebrew. Our Mefakedettes and other officers will not speak to us in any other language. It's tough but I'm having a good time.

My least favorite things so far is having to carry the gun everywhere, the short eating time, and sleep depravation. I'd have to say my absolute favorite thing is when something happens that makes our Mefakedette smile or laugh and she kind of turns into a real person. Then we all start laughing and the pressure melts away a bit. The rest of the time she keeps a straight face and is a total bitch. But really, she's just a 20-22 year old girl. I'm also the oldest in Tzevet 5. There's another dude, David, from L.A. who's also 26. But the average age of the new recruits is 22. There's a lot of running involved and I do what I can with my leg. They're very fair about me not running as much as the other guys as long as I put in 110%. And they're very happy to make up my running with extra pushups and sit ups. Daniel, from England, has estimated about 400 push ups total this week by his count. O.K. I've written enough for one night, I'll try to continue next week...